capitally Challenged 419er

Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J. Edgar. Hoover Building, Washington D.C
Telephone Number : (206) 984 - 0470

ATTN: BENEFICIARY

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation agents.

Oh, OK, so I'm supposed to suspend disbelief for a moment and accept that the FBI is writing to me out of the blue, with a grammatically incorrect and anonymous email, warning me about impostors from Nigeria? Right. Let's see what they want ...

During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of $800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD.

I haven't fulfilled by Financial Obligation, eh? And you want to send me an ATM CARD which, by some curious method I don't understand, will contain $800 grand? Why the Spurious Capitals, SUNSHINE?

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of $150 USD which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union Money Transfer / MoneyGram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact details of the Agent whom will process your transaction:

I guess I should expect the ATM CARD to be processed by an ATM CARD CENTER, but I'm a bit puzzled about the need to procure an Approval Slip. Surely the mighty FBI can just make a deposit straight into my bank account? I don't have $ 150 USD to fritter away on this kind of nonsense, especially via Western Union or MoneyGram. Last time I checked, I was not criminally insane.

CONTACT INFORMATION

NAME: MR. Paul Bryant

EMAIL: atmworldcenter991@gmail.com

Immediately contact Mr. Paul Bryant of the ATM Card Centre with the following information:

Full Name:
Address:
City:
State:
Zip Code:
Direct Phone Number:
Current Occupation:
Bank Name:

Oh, but I thought I was dealing with the ATM CARD CENTER. Is this a different place? Or have they just discovered that marvellous invention called CAPS LOCK? Surely the mighty FBI already knows my address, phone number, current occupation and the name of the bank that, apparently, has been scamming me? After all, it was they who supposedly discovered the scam.

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Uzoma Dominic he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $150 USD for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.

Oh oh, I see Mr Paul Bryant has taken a leave of absense half way through this email. Poor Mr Bryant. I guess he's gone to spend all the advance fees he's been making lately.

Once you have completed payment of $150 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact me back so as to ensure your ATM CARD gets to you rapidly.

FBI Director
Robert Mueller.

NOTE: To ensure you have been AUTHORIZED to pay the required fee's stated above, kindly find below an Authorized Signature and also our Federal Bureau Of Investigation NSB ( National Security Branch ) Seal to accurately guarantee your safety towards completing this transaction.

Phew, what a relief! A seal to accurately guarantee my safety! I'll put it in my wallet in place of the $150 USD shall I?